A Loss for Words.........

This past week has been another emotional roller coaster. There was a brutal abduction, rape, and murder of a 10 year old little girl, Hailey Owens, in Springfield. The murderer was originally from Marshfield and was a middle school teacher and football coach.The family of the girl is a family that I know pretty well, whom are originally from Marshfield. This whole thing has been very difficult to process. The little girl is Erin Herman's niece, Stacey's daughter. I practically lived with the Herman's growing up, they were like a 2nd family to me. It is unbelievable what this man did to little Hailey, which I am not going to go into detail(even the news doesn't know or is saying) because it is too gruesome. Apparently he had journals of his plans, he had a camera and lights set up pointed at his bed.  He has a million dollar trust to be used as his get away money. He abducted her in broad daylight in front of a neighbors house. The neighbors tried to get her back, immediately turned in his license plate number. By the time the Amber alert was issued she was already murdered. The neighbors said they recognized his vehicle because he had apparently been casing the place for the past two weeks. I think why he chose her was because she would always meet her friend halfway to her house and this particular day, she was by herself. 

I hadn't seen Erin in awhile, since my wedding and I hadn't seen her family since I was in high school. They all came into my work and I helped them with their outfits for the funeral. When I hugged Stacey, I just broke down. I couldn't help it. It is hard to believe and understand why this would happen. Their strength and faith has been amazing and the community's support has been unbelievable. They had a candlelight vigil march and around 10,000 people showed up. They had a BACA event and around 5,000 motorcyclists rode in. It is amazing how this has united this community. Tonight is the visitation which my mom and I are planning to attend. It is going to be hard but at least the little girl isn't hurting anymore and she is in a better place. This past week it seems as if every time I would look at Andi I would tear up. It is just hard to believe the evilness some people have and how they can hurt and brutally murder a defenseless child. Of course his trial is being drug out when really he needs to put to death immediately but the fact is, if he does receive the death penalty, he will be in prison for years before anything is done. How has our government become so lax in justice when they used to hang and electrocute? Now they are wanting to pull the lethal injection because the side effects are too inhumane. What this person did to this girl was inhumane.

Now onto something more light-hearted. Andi is really talking these days. Bird and belly have been her words of the week. She is so cute, she can definitely put you in a better mood. The video below is of her showing what I taught her. I am trying to get a video of her saying her words but she goes silent when I am taping. Hopefully one day I can get it because it is just too cute!

These Days

What is going on these days? Well as for Andi, she is learning so much and saying more words. Her brain is a little sponge and it is amazing what all she understands. She is saying JuJu a lot now. JuJu doesn't really care for her but she will hug and love on her. When she gets to petting too rough we say "love on her" and she gives her a kiss and lays her head on her. She points to herself and says me. She is also saying baby and drink(juice). She knows most of her body parts. She sometimes gets her nose and eyes mixed up. She knows where boogers are though and will put her finger in her nose. She is a funny little girl. I was goofing around with her one day when she was eating and would ask if she was done and I would hold my arms up. I didn't realize she would learn it that quick because when I started asking her the next time she would hold her arms up. She is something else! 

We have been watching the Olympics and Andi doesn't watch TV, it doesn't keep her attention enough however, we were watching ice skating and she sat in her rocking chair and watched a guy the whole length of his routine which is over 2 minutes. We were very impressed. I think she might want to be an ice skater because she has watched it now everytime it is on. We do know that she loves to dance, she will dance to the sound of a vacuum, or the sound of a baby crying. She really gets to stomping her feet. She will probably be a tap dancer lol. 

 She is learning how to take her clothes off and where they go. She will lay her socks on her feet and tries to put her shoes on.We have learned what all she knows by testing her. For example, we will say "where is or can you get me" and she goes and shows us or gets us what we ask.  She knows how to wipe her mouth and tries to wash herself too. We are still having issues with her getting into the dog food. I will be glad when this phase stops. She has started getting into my makeup and dumping it on the floor then taking off through the house giggling with my eyeliner. 

An interesting thing happened a couple of weeks ago with one of Andi's toys. She had gone to spend the night with her grandma which is great cause then I can usually get great sleep, however not that night. Around midnight I had kind of woke up and Matt asked if I had heard her toy going off. As soon as he got that out of his mouth it said " Why don't you come and play with me." We were freaked out lol. That stupid toy kept going off through out the night and Matt said if he saw something go across the living room, he didn't know what he'd do. There would be a drum beat, then a monkey, then a little girl voice asking for you to play with her. My heart was beating so fast. That morning we went through her toys and most of them were out of the toy box on the floor in the living room.  We found it and she hadn't really played with it, it was by itself on the floor while the others were piled on top of each other. Needless to say we threw it away. We turned all the other toys off. That night was just a little too weird especially the timing of it saying that when Matt had just asked me.

The weather has been nice the past couple of days, luckily I have been off and we have been able to go outside. She loves running around. I still don't get much sleep these days. She wakes now at 4:30 every morning and wants me to hold her, sometimes she is up 3 times a night and wakes at 6am. I really don't see how I am functioning. I do know that by the time my days off roll around, I am EXHAUSTED. I don't go anywhere on my days off nor do I get out of my pj's. 

 She got some really nice things for Valentine's. She loves stuffed animals. Most of them she has in her crib cause she likes to sleep with them. She got a big teddy bear from Papa Runnels and she likes to tease the dogs with it. She has quite a personality.

As for Matt and I, we have had a rough week. I had another miscarriage. As in the past, it happened while I was getting ready for work. I had picked up Andi and felt a gush. When you sit at the doctor's office, waiting to confirm you indeed miscarried, some nurses are just not very sentimental. I realize that miscarriages are very common but their response doesn't have to be so robotic and emotionless. Instead of going home, like I have in the past, I went to work. That was a stupid decision but I didn't have enough hours left in the week to make it up. Yes, my job doesn't offer personal days. For some weird reason all my miscarriages have been in February. The first one was really hard for me to take but now, I wouldn't say I am used to it but it is almost as if I expect it to happen. I had read a quote that said," Miscarriages take the innocence out of pregnancy." That is very true because once I find out I am pregnant, I am constantly praying to not lose it and constantly checking to see if I have started bleeding. I am excited about being pregnant but it is hard to enjoy it knowing it can end. I know that most miscarriages are due to chromosomes not matching up right, but what is hard is when it has a heart beat. I think now I get more frustrated and angry because I look around and see people that do not deserve to have children, pop kids out left and right, or even people that have sex once and are pregnant with a mistake. Then I fall back on, " Am I being punished for something I did, what did I do to deserve this?" Then I think, it is probably a blessing in disguise. It is just hard to swallow. I am very thankful for Andi and I know when the time is right, we will have another baby but it is obvious I won't carry a baby in February.